thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
