I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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