It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk