I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.