I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
do herpes really smell.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
