I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize
