i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
