I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
