Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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