I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
