Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
