she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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