I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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