She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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