how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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