toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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