We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
