There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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