party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
