I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
