she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So apparently I’m into choking now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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