You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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