That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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