Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
