I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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