dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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