Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
