We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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