I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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