I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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