The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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