no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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