You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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