Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
