My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think I just sharted jello shots
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