my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this beer tastes like vomit already
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
