he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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