I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
BRING THE BAGELS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
