I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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