Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
there is puke in my bra ... again
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