I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
