i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
