Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
