areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
