he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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