I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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