It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
