My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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