Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
PANTIES FOUND
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