why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
