I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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