Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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