An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
