Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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