Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
