Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize