when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
