Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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