Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
