I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
