What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
