dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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