Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
