i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
