if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
