:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
