Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
