Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
