i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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