i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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