Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
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He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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