I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
