Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
