ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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