Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
