First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They took my balls.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
