His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
