i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
