they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
